Baby blues

My Mum will tell you that in a classic case of reverse psychology she is an news addict whilst I wake up and see that the world is still there so just get on with my stuff, don't read newspapers and listen to the radio for music not events.  Mind you, even I knew that a Royal Baby was born yesterday and although I had been less than interested in it, being of the 'leave them alone and stop talking incessant rubbish as if you're selling the birth on QVC or something' persuasion, today I found myself looking the pictures of the new parents with tears in my eyes.  Ridiculous nonsense obviously.

I don't have strong feelings about the monarchy one way or another really.  I do however have very strong feelings about how little I would want to be part of The Firm, despite remembering that as a little girl I wanted to marry Prince Edward naturally.  I didn't happen to do pregnancy or birth that well at all as I was reminded by the husband only this morning 'you made a meal of it - both times' being his *amusing* comment on the whole thing; the thought that 100s of deranged people have camped outside whilst I went through the worst experience of my life (with the best end result of course) horrifies me. Nor did I (first time round) do the whole initial motherhood thing well either, as a look I mean, so again I am horrified at the thought that I would have to put a swollen and battered body which insists on leaking from all over the place in all sorts of unimagined ways into normal clothes makes me shudder.  Kate of course looked a bit tired but happy, relaxed and glamorous, surely an offence. 

I digress. The teary eyes need an explanation. In my teens & into my twenties  I didn't really see children in my future, even when I got married.  My boys already say things like 'when I'm a Dad' and I didn't ever think like that (yes before you ask, them saying that also makes me a bit moist in the ocular region). So what changed?  Actually it was the funeral (not the death) of William's mum, Diana. I guess it is all part of the ying and yang of life and death, but all I know was that when I saw the word 'Mummy' written on the card on the top of Diana's coffin I turned to my rather surprised husband and said 'I cannot die and never be called Mummy'. It was honestly as much as a revelation to me as it was to him.

So today I was crying not because a new royal Prince is particularly important to me, but because today I am a Mum because his Dad lost his.